I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize