I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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