i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
