Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
