Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
