is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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