One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
