At least make sure they are 18
Why
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
