gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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