I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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