i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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