I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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