Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
