I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Randomize
