we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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