if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
40s are totally the cure
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
