I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We just shotgunned beers for America
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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