they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
