He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
