If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
