3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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