i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Randomize
