apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
