no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
