I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
