3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
