woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
