I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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