Duck Duck Cougar?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
