just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
