My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
