he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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