I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
