don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
