she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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