Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
