okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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