The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
