so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
