p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
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Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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