I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
