I hate all girls vehemently.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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