She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
