You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
