hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
