i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
he was CRYING into my vagina
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
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Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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