the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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