Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
