i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
