Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
