i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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