We're like a lot better than the average bears
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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