Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
