omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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