before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
