im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
