I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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