K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
handjob tips. give me some.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
