I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We just shotgunned beers for America
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
