Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
