last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
