If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
